For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
