Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
