heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
