Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
