I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
