Tell her she can't have a vagina
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
