You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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