They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I don't deserve a penis
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
