hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
