Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
