No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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