thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
