Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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