dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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