oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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