i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
