I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
