Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
