drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
