Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
