Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
