I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
