dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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