I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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