I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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