I'm going to jail i love you
I think im going to throw up on grandma
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he was CRYING into my vagina
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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