help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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