I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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