thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
