Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Randomize