Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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