I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
