i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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