Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
