I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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