She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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