Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
