How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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