Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize