She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
