Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
