yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
