I want you more than these girls want KFC
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
