Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
