so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
