saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
