He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
