i was born a porn star she said
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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