your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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