Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
nutella sex= disaster
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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