If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Dick very happy bro
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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