I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
