The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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