Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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