Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
