I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
