I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
