He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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