and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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