Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
