god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
