your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Bring me that man meat
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
