you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
