awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just googled if crying burns calories
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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