She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
