After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
