i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
