the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
