so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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