I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize