When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Randomize
