Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
