My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Couch. On fire.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
