these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
