I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
