He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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