Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
