Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
