he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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