Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
