If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i wish my penis had a tongue
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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