Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize