we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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