awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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