She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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