I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I skipped work to stalk him.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
