It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
