Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The best revenge is premature balding
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
