We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
