so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
