I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
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