it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
