i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
