I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
nutella sex= disaster
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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