i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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